Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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