Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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