I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
