Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
