he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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