I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
