Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
