That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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