I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
