Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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