Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
