operation harelip BJ is a go
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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