If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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