$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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