And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
