fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
