I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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