Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
