Your dad touched me again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
