Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
