Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
