I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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