"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Randomize
