Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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