I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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