can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
