Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I wear drunk well.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
