her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
