I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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