i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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