man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
