Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
