i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
