1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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