we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
