dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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