Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
