Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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