walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
