Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
