He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
