I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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