He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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