you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
