You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
