the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
