We won't sleep together?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
