I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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