YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
