He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
