If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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