Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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