Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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