she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
