I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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