4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
