pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
