I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
wow bdsm is so cute
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
