I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
