He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
