I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
