Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
