I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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