he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
