Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
