yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
