i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
