so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
