i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
